taK saBarrrrrrrrrr!~

kejap lagik dah nak naik sem baru....
aku dah tak sabar nak abehkan belajo kat MMU nih...
banyak pengalaman pahit manis kat sini...

kadang², walaupun terasa ade yang 'hilang',
tetap nak kene teruskan idop gak...
penat mengeluh pasal masalah idop..
orang lain ade masalah gak....

rindunye pada ayun hanya Tuhan yang tau...
tapi takpe, die gembire kat sana,...
sebab aku akan slalu doakan die...

azam taun baru,
nak kuruskan badan..(walaupun ia adalah azam setiap taun aku)
nak target 'robe' saiz 2 tym konvo nanti....
ahahahah....

aKu gembira meNjadi Hafizah Johari!!

emotionally invaded!~

hmmm...

hari tuh, auntie call lagi..aku baru bangun tido...dia still tak puas hati dgn citer eksiden ayun...dia dok cakap takde courtesy call dr family ieda...aku paham perasaan dia, tapi aku nak buat cemana? aku still rasa yang ieda ader hide something dari aku...aku bukannya nak jaga tepi kain orang..tapi, ieda patut paham, yang auntie akan call aku instead of dia...so, aku rasa aku patut tau banyak benda...

aku tersepit...orang nih citer lain, orang ni citer lain....takkan aku nak paksa bibah cerita betul2 apa yang terjadi...susah laa hidup ni...bibah pun ader perasaan gak....polis pon satu, sakit kepala aaaa!!~...

sayu hati aku biler auntie kata ayun dah buat baju raye....tapi aku tak mampu nak kate ape lagi....aku tau, sukar sangat untuk dia terima hakikat pemergian ayun....tapi, aku dah totally blank sekarang nih....dia dok ajak aku datang umah....aku tau dia rindu kat ayun and nak lepaskan rindu tuh kat aku....tapi, apa sangatlah yang aku mampu buat....

hidup susah, tak hidup pun susah...hmmmm............

If I Die Tonight!~

If I Die Tonight
Too Phat

Joe

If I die tonight
What would I do on my last day
I know i'll wake early in the morning
Crack of dawn's last ray

Will probably go for breakfast like I used to do
Fried kuey teow F.A.M and roti canai at Raju's with my boo
And friends from way back
Neighborhood, homies, extended family
Only know me as the same cat
With that shaved head
Rocking cross colours, sneaks the school
Rocking rhymes at back of class
Playing tricks on fools

Then I come back to the crib
Tidy up a bit
Y'all know my room's messy
Though classy
Start arranging my shit
Line up my shoes one by one
Start with Jordans and end with them Airforce ones
Put a post-it on the tongue of each one
With the name of each dun
I think I know my homies and who would want which one
Get on the phone and holler at everybody
It's nearly noon gots to have lunch with the family
I spend the last day, I don't know
Try to do a million other things
Hoping somehow time will slow
I guess what I'm trying to say is
Take everyday like it was your last
And work towards your dreams before you pass
And have a blast while you're at it
'Cos we don't know when we're gonna go
So make the best of it
Just keep it real to yourself
And to all people, if y'all lost somebody before
Remember they'll be to see you

Chorus
LiL Boogie

If I die tonight
You know we'll be alright
Just smile for me
Reminisce the fond memories
If I die tonight
You know we'll be alright
Just smile for me
Reminisce the fond memories

Malique
Well, if I die tonight
I wonder where I'll be tomorrow
Nobody cry, please push away the sorrow
'Cos I have been the best of man
The best of friendsThe best of mum and daddy's last son
The best of anything
Tell Joe here's the last one

If I die tonight
Will I be forgiven
For all the people I've been slackin' with when i was livin'
Those who I've hurt their hearts
Took advantage of and even lied to
Hug you one last time for forgivenessYea, I would like to

If I die tonight
Would you feel the loss
Tomorrow would you dial my number by accident
And then suddenly paused

If I died tonight
I wonder who would get to keep my caps and shoes, jerseys
Even my little stuffed crocodile, Coco too
Get my cellphone, message everyone from A to Z
Tell them this ain't Malique
He passed away last night
Pray he rest in peace

If I died tonight
What wouldcha think of my room
When you see blue
Wanted to clean it up this morning
But then I never knew

If I died tonight
What would happen to Tim
How long would it take before she kissed another man
God damn
At fast food joints
Would you still order the same combo meal for 2
Things I wish I knew

Repeat Chorus

Malique

A cute little thing to many eyes
To me you were simply a beautiful thing
I tell no lies
We went from mere invisible friends
To pals real tight
A rendezvous'd upon
And then a chit-a-chat all night
I used to pick you up
Until you got your own ride
A slammin two door wheel
A grey 3672 lookin' all sleek
Remember when I asked why this
You said because its real fast
So you could rush to see your boy after class
The last time we met
Was 01 September
You left feeling upset
Over something I can't remember
I never apologised til January 10th 2003
When I heard you passed away
When I was deep in my sleep

Your loss taught me not to take my friends for granted
Misunderstandings gotta slam them quick
Death you never plan it
You're sorrowly missed down here Warwin rest in peace
This too shall pass
But our true friendship will never cease
Love

If I die tonight
You know we'll be alright
Just smile for me
Reminisce the fond memories
If I die tonight
You know we'll be alright
Just smile for me
Reminisce the fond memories

I dedicate this one
To my friend Warwin1982-2003
You'll always be missed
And also everybody who lost
Family members, friends
We miss you
Y'all will always be remembered

** this song was dedicated to arwah warwin, but i dedicated it to ayun **

hantar ieda balik....

ieda balik sini sebab kena amik muet....
so, setiap kali aku anta ieda balik naik bas, aku jadi sayu....
still, aku tatau kenapa aku mesti sayu....
aku asyik terasa yang aku takkan jumpa dia lagi....

kenapa ngan aku nih??
setiap kali anta ieda balik, aku rasa cam taknak lepaskan dia...
mungkin sebab sebahagian dari dia adalah ayun...
mungkin juga....

tatau kenapa!~

aku tatau kenapa lately nih orang kata aku cepat emo.... banyak sangat ke aku berubah??
humm....mungkin keadaan menyebabkan aku camni....tatau ape sebabnya....
aku skang cam cepat merajuk, cepat nangis dan segala punya cepat lah....
aku mmg dapat rasa yang aku tak macam dulu lagik....

aku yang dulu periang, tak habis2 senyum...mmg lah orang nampak aku cam garang...
tapi sekadar luaran jer....kadang2 aku takut.....takut yang masa aku dibumi ni dah sampai tarikh luput...takut yang aku akan dipanggil Ilahi....aku tak punya amal yang cukup untuk mengadap Ilahi....aku harap belum sampai masanya untuk aku menemui-Nya...

aku masih lagi merindui ayun....yeah! sehingga nafas terakhirku aku akan merinduinya...
bukanlah niat untuk menambahkan lagi pilu dihati....tapi, apa yang berlaku, terlalu pantas untuk aku hadapi....kenyataan yang terlalu perit.....

kaki saket!~

kakiku sakit!~
arituh uzi takleh bernapas....nape ntah!~ tapi dia mmg ade saket...
aku tgh online time tuh...pehtu, bibah panggil aku cakap condition uzi camtuh...
aku pun nak pi laa tgk....sekali tuh, terlanggar line tepon n jatuh....
hadoi laa!~~

When I'm Gone!~

When I'm Gone
3 Doors Down

There's another world inside of me
That you may never see
There're secrets in this life
That I can't hide
Somewhere in this darkness
There's a light that I can't find
Maybe it's too far away...
Maybe I'm just blind...
Maybe I'm just blind...

[chorus]
So hold me when I'm here
Right me when I'm wrong
Hold me when I'm scared
And love me when I'm gone
Everything I am
And everything in me
Wants to be the one
You wanted me to be
I'll never let you down
Even if I could
I'd give up everything
If only for your good
So hold me when I'm here
Right me when I'm wrong
You can hold me when I'm scared
You won't always be there
So love me when I'm gone
[end chorus]

Love me when I'm gone...

When your education x-ray
Can not see under my skin
I won't tell you a damn thing
That I could not tell my friends
Roaming through this darkness
I'm alive but I'm alone
Part of me is fighting this
But part of me is gone

[chorus]

Maybe I'm just blind...

[chorus]

Love me when I'm gone...
Love me when I'm gone
When I'm Gone
When I'm Gone
When I'm Gone

**i feel dat dis song suits me right...**

Thanx a lot!~

Dear aTuL,

I thank u a lot...

1) for being there when there's no one for me...
2) for being the friend in need for me...
3) for understanding the pain in me...
4) for showing the truth of life for me...
5) for believing the real me...
6) for helping me gain ma spirit back...
7) for sharing ma tears...
8) for rescuing ma soul...
9) for being ma bestfriend as well as ma savior...
10) for being sent by God for me...

I love you so much my friend.... Thanx a lot!~

i wish!~~

My 10 wishes...
1) i wish there's no rain in ma life...
2) i wish i'm like before...
3) i wish she knew dat i love her...
4) i wish i had kissed her forehead before she was buried...
5) i wish i didn't lost her...
6) i wish i've made a good choice in ma life...
7) i wish my family understand me...
8) i wish i'm a better person...
9) i wish i know what i'm doing...
10) i wish i don't have to wish........

dont appreciate it!~

putting someone's life on da line is TOTALLY not funny!~ kenapa kaum lelaki selalu nak tunjukkan yang diorang tuh hebat sangat?? kenapa?? some gurls may felt impressed... but not me...!~ totally not me...!~

aku masih trauma dengan accident yang dulu tuh... kenapa mesti nak tunjukkan yang tekan minyak kuat2 waktu lampu baru hijau?? dah laa tengah hujan!!~ ishh!!~ enough laa!!~ this is one of the reasons why i hate guys so much!!~

aku cukup trauma dengan 3 benda yang berlaku at da same time.. 1) hujan, 2) kereta, 3) speed..

hurmm..... aku totally freak out!!~ bodoh punya lelaki!!~

bangun lambat!~

skang nih asik bangun lambat jerk....sakit pinggang aku....ingatkan nak pi kubur pagi tadi....hoh!!takpe laa....try nak pi sok..lagi pun kakak tak masukkan duit lagik!!

aku suka sangat lagu nih....

Waktu Yang Tepat Tuk Berpisah
Sheila On 7

Dan bila kau harus pergi
Jauh dan takkan kembali
Ku akan merelakanmu bila kau bahagia
Selamanya di sana walaupun tanpaku

Ku akan mengerti cinta dengan semua yang terjadi
Pastikan saja langkahmu tetap berarti

Bisakah aku tanpamu
Sanggupkah aku tanpamu

Sehangat pelukan hujan saat kau lambaikan tangan
Tenang wajahmu berbisik
Inilah waktu yang tepat 'tuk berpisah
Selembut belaian badai saat kau palingkan arah
Jejak langkahmu terbaca
Inilah waktu yang tepat 'tuk berpisah

Ku akan pahami cinta
Dengan apa yang terjadi
Pastikan saja mimpimu tetap berarti

Aku tak pernah mengharap untuk kau kembali
Saat kau temukan duniamu
Aku tak pernah menunggu tuk kau kembali
Saat bahagia mahkotamu bila kedamaian selimutimu
Jangan kau kembali...

*yeah!! aku mula suka lagu ni bila ayun dah takde....yeah...aku terlambat...aku tetap sayang ko ayun...*

aih!! membazir betul....

aku baru balek tengok wayang ngan bibah, uzi n linda.....tengok citer exorcist...bodo betul citer tuh...rasa cam membazir jerk tengok....tensi!!jangan tengok aaa citer tuh.....

aku rindu kat kawan2 kat cj as well as atul.....aku rasa, maybe next week aku pi cj....nak gak berbuka ngan kowang sume.....hehehe....

sok aku nak pi rembau......jumpa ayun....

I miss her sOoo much!!(part 2)

petang tuh, aku tepon sume orang yg aku rasa kenal ayun... housemate aku, misya, leen....hurmm...aku sepatutnya call atul..yeah!! she's ma bestfriend, but i dunno why i didn't call her...(sorri wak!).....bibah kena tahan for few hours kat GH tu, sementara tunggu tu, aku n ghandi buat2 lawak bodo kat GH tu...yeah, tryin' to make everyone feels better....then aku balik n pack apa yang patut...

dalam kereta, airmata aku tak henti2 meleleh....dalam kepala aku tak lain hanyalah ayun....ayun, ayun, ayun!.....semua yang dia buat kat rumah tuh, bermain kat kepala aku....senyuman, gelak, tangisan, nyanyian, jeritan.....semuanya bertamu kat kepala aku....aku tau, aku terpaksa redha dengan kehendak tuhan, tapi aku tatau camana nak handle semuanya...alangkah susahnya untuk terima kenyataan ini....

sampai seremban, parents ieda soh relax....hummm....bibah pi mandi...tapi sedang dia mandi tu, aku terdengar dia nangis...aku tatau samada dia nangis sebab sedih ataupun sebab sakit...takkan aku nak terus masuk jerk...gile ape...mata aku dah bengkak time tu...perut lapar tapi takde selera langsung nak makan....dan aku tak sentuh apa2 melainkan segelas air masak....

lepas bibah mandi, aku tolong dia pakai baju sket sebab tangan dia sakit....then biler dia dah baring, dia nangis lagi....aku dekat kat dia n soh dia calm down....dia terlampau sedih....dia kata "i still can feel her holding ma hands...".....aku speechless...tapi aku tetap kata "it's gonna be fine.. don't blame yerself for wut had happened.."...hmmpp...aku try sedaya upaya untuk tak nangis depan dia....tapi...aku tak berupaya...kami berpelukan sambil menangis....then, bibah kata badan dia sakit, so, aku soh dia tido....tapi aku tak boleh tido......

aku masuk bilik air n wash up....aku terasa nak nangis, tapi aku tak mau ghandi or bibah terdengar....so aku tahan jerk....aku semayang n bacakan yassin untuk ayun....aku cuba untuk lelapkan mata, tapi sebab mata aku bengkak, aku takleh tido langsung.....aku msg ieda n she replied, asking me to calm down...she's on her way on da bus.....dalam pukul 3 lebih baru aku leh tido, tapi aku terjaga semula kul 5 pagi.....dan aku terkenangkan ayun lagi....lepas semayang subuh, aku lelapkan mata jap.....then, bangun jerk, aku terus mandi.....dan bersiap-siap untuk ke funeral...

aku duduk atas katil sementara menunggu yang lain bersiap.....tetiba ader orang peluk aku dari belakang...ieda...aku kata kat dia "aku rasa aku dah tak mampu nak nangis lagi..."....yeah!! pagi tuh mmg aku tak sanggup nak nangis lagi...pagi tuh, diorang soh aku breakfast...tapi aku tak mampu nak breakfast..mak ieda soh aku at least minum teh...yeah!! aku minum jugak..tapi rasa cam nak terkeluar balik...lepas minum, aku pack barang2 aku sebab aku kena balik gak...aku kena siapkan presentation aku...

dalam pukul 10, kami sumer bertolak ke rembau...aku naik kete ngan ghandi n ainon(awek ghandi)....ieda, bibah n their parents naik the other car.....aku rasa kami dah agak lambat...tapi aku takleh nak kate ape...sebab aku hanya menumpang sahaja....sampai jerk rembau, aku terpegun dengan kebesaran rumah ayun.....rumah dia sangat besar!!maklumlah, anak CEO Sri Malaysia....tapi ayun dulu sangat simple orangnya....aku langsung tatau bapak dia dato'.....waktu tanya dulu pun, dia sengih2 jerk....yeah!!ayun yang aku sayang!

sampai jerk n masuk dalam umah, aku tengok family dia n kawan2 lama dia tengah kiss dia for the last time.....sebab terlalu ramai orang, aku hanya mampu melihat dari jauh.....then, biler dia nak diangkat naik ke lori utk ke graveyard, aku pergi mendapatkan auntie n salam n pelok dia....auntie tanya "nape tak ke depan tadi? lambat..."..aku hanya diam dan mengelap airmata....then aku ternampak farina n dapatkan dia...kami berpelukan n holding hands....farina bestfren ayun....the bestest!!yeah!!

kami ke graveyard...aku saksikan upacara mengebumikan ayun.....aku terus menangis n peluk ieda....dalam kubur tu kecik.....ayun tak suka tempat yang sempit....aku sedih sangat time tuh....ieda nampak tenang...tapi aku tahu, dia tak setenang mana.....dia roommate ayun...pasti dia lebih sedih kerana banyak yang diorang tempuhi bersama......tapi dia tetap nasihatkan aku supaya banyakkan bersabar dan berdoa untuk ayun....

sebelom balik ke melaka, mak ieda nak soh aku stay for 1 or 2 days...tapi aku kata tak boleh sebab aku ader keje....then, kami balik ke umah ayun untuk jumpa mak dia jap....mak dia mintak ieda tolong kemaskan barang untuk ayun...sampai umah, kami kemaskan barang2 ayun....sayunya, hanya tuhan yang tahu....aku n ieda masing2 amik sehelai shirt fav ayun....untuk kenangan.....

i lost a bet!! demmit!!

ahaha...smalam pi minum2 kat jiki....pas masa minum tuh, aku ngan bibah borak2 laa pasal henpon...pehtu dia kata henpon aku 8250...aku kata "tak... i nyer henpon 8210."....then, kitorang argue n make a bet...if i won the bet, dia kena cuci kandang ayem n taik n feed him n mandikan skali selama sbulan........kalau aku kalah, aku kena buat laundry dia for a month.... balik dari jiki tuh, kitorang online n tgk kat internet model phone aku....arghh!! aku kalah!! mmg 8250....isk!isk!isk! maknanya aku kena jadik washing machine selama sebulan! waaaaaaaa!!! tolong!! (to atul, ghani masih hensem!!wakakaka!!)

I miss her sOoo much!!(part 1)

aku duduk atas kerusi nih....sambil memegang kotak berwarna merah yang ada bentuk love kat atasnya...dalamnya ada sehelai shirt maXzara....pemiliknya ayun, dah takde...tiap kali aku lihat baju ni, semakin kuat ingatan dan kasih sayang aku pada dia....dis is one of her fav shirt....she's gone...yeah!! gone!! leavin me alone here wif all of her memories....aku ubah formation bilik semata2 nak elakkan daripada terasa kehadiran dia kat sini....memang tak dapat seratus peratus nak kurangkan memori yang dia tinggalkan kat sini, tapi sekurang2nya aku tak terbayangkan dia duduk atas kerusi ni lagi sambil bermain solitaire kat pc aku....

2hb september 2004,

hell yeah!! pagi tu aku terbangun sebab bibah call...dia kata nak datang...memang kami berjanji nak keluar...sama ada hari kamis tu ataupun hari jumaat....semua terpulang kat bibah sebab aku tunggu jerk kat melaka.....then, pagi tu dia kata nak datang.....ok..aku pun kata "jangan lupa tepon ayun skali..."....aku dah plan baik punya.....kami nak tengok puteri gunung ledang..... nak ber asmaradana bertiga....ahaha....kalau tak, berempat...tapi sebab ieda dah kena praktikal, jadiknya, tinggal kami bertiga sahaja.....fine....aku pun lihat jam....baru pukul sepuloh lebih...layan tido jap laa.....pastu, pukul seblas sengah, aku online jap...tengok muvi ader kul baper...lepas kire2 agak2 diorang leh sampai kul bape, aku pun decide nak book ticket kol 2.45 ptg....call punya call, akhirnya dapat get thru gak...nombor tempahan 258 dan aku mintak seat belakang-tengah,...abang tu kata ok....dia kata seat memang baik punya....aku kat ok cun!!... lepas tu, aku pi tepon ayun, tanya bibah tak sampai lagi ke?...dia kata tak....oklah aku kata tunggulah, jap lagi sampai laa tu....kami pon borak2 laa...buat lawak bangang...sapa yang tak kenal ayun yang penuh dengan lawak yang sangat bangang tu....kami gelak2...pastu, aku pi mandi....lepas mandi, aku tengok dah dekat pukul 1...so aku assume diorang dah nak sampai... aku cepat2 dress up...pastu tepon aku berbunyik...tengok caller, kuar nama bibah....

dia dengan suara cemas kata "akak!!sori....tak dapat datang....kita accident!!"....memula aku tak percaye dan aku ingat dia memain....aku boleh kata "ok..."...then, dia kata kereta terbalik dan ayun unconcious....saat tuh, aku rasa cam nak pitam!!aku still tak caye...lepas letak tepon, aku duduk jap...berfikir....pastuh aku terus call ieda...ieda soh call mak dia...pas aku call mak dia, mak dia soh aku call mak ayun...ok....aku terus bersiap....bibah call lagi, cakap ambulans tak sampai2.....dia pun dah nak pitam....aku kata calm down....soh orang yang ada kat tepi tu buat dia jaga.....dia kata dia risaukan ayun...."i'm worry bout her!! i dont care if i die!!"....aku kata jangan cakap camtuh.....pastu, aku soh dia tanya orang2 kat situ agak2 hantar kat hospital mana...diorang cakap hantar kat GH....aku terus keluarkan duit n top up phone aku.....

aku speed pegi GH....tak sampai 10 minit aku tunggu kat GH, ada ambulans br sampai....aku tgk patient dia...bibah!!aku dekat kat dia....tengok condition dia, aku rasa tak berapa teruk sangat, tapi still perlukan intensive care......setelah buat apa yang patut, aku nampak nauman datang....dari apa yang nauman cite, dia kata bahagian ayun agak teruk n maybe kena potong utk kuarkan ayun....aku dah takut separuh mati......lama jugak laaa aku tunggu kat situ.....dalam pukul 2.15, ader ambulans datang lagi....aku tengok patient dia....ya ALLAH!! ayun!! dia merenung ke atas....waktu disorong ke ER tuh, darah menitik2 dari kepala dia.....aku takut!!aku terus tepon ieda....aku nangis!!! sumpah!! aku takut sangat masa tuh!! mak ayun tak sampai lagi....aku duduk tunggu ngan mak ieda....she holds my hands.....aku tatau nak wat ape lagik....pastu, aku kena registerkan nama ayun kat kaunter tuh...at da same time, doktor dari er tuh kuar mintak kerani kat situ isikan something.....pastuh aku tanya kat doktor tuh, "doc, how is she?"...doktor tuh tanya, "u kwn dia ke?"...aku angguk.....dia sambung lagik...."very bad! chances of survival very low..."....aku rasa nak mati saat tu jugak....bapak ieda keep me calm....aku duduk kat luar...tepon ieda n k anim....aku nangis lagi....

mak ieda masuk ke dalam nak check on bibah....aku duduk kat luar ngan ghandi(abg ieda).... dalam hati aku hanya berdoa pada tuhan agar ayun selamat walaupun kena koma.... then, mak ieda kuar......dia usap pipi aku dan peluk aku.......aku nangis teresak2 kat dada dia.....dalam sedang nangis tu, aku dengar dia cakap kat ghandi,"dah takde dah....".....masa tuh jugak aku meraung.......aku hilang arah.......aku meraung sekuat2nya.......masa tu aku rasa hati aku hancur berderai.......aku tak ingat apa2.....malah, aku lupa tuhan time tuh.....

tak lama lepas tu, barulah mak ayun sampai....sayang, tak sempat dia nak tatap muka anak dia waktu masih hidup.....then, ghandi pimpin aku pegi bilik mayat....aku tak pernah rasa selemah ini biarpun waktu bapak aku mati sebelas tahun dulu.....aku tengok muka ayun....tenang....seolah olah dia sedang nyenyak tido....aku bacakan yasin sekali....pastu, aku nak balik wash up sementara dia orang tgh nak jalankan proses post mortem....aku jengah bibah.....dia tengah tido, tapi dia tersedar aku datang....dia kata "i'm sorry....so sorry.." sambil nangis.....aku kata kat dia, "it's not ur fault...it was her time to go".....dia still kata sorry.....aku kata "jangan laa camni....bukan salah u...."...then, aku kiss dahi dia n usap airmata dia....tapi, takde sapa usap air mata aku time tu...

aku balik wash up.....dtg semula ke GH pakai tudung....aku terserempak dgn paiz(ex ayun)...aku benci mamat nih sebab dia cheat on ayun dulu...tapi, time tu aku pendamkan jerk semuanya....aku show dia bilik mayat....maghrib tu, ayun dibawa balik ke rembau dengan mak dia n mak ieda......aku decide untuk ikut bapak ieda balik seremban sbb ieda akan sampai seremban pagi jumaat tu.....aku lap air mata walaupun mata aku dah cukup bengkak time tuh...aku kena kuatkan semangat supaya bibah tak heartbroken time tu......yeah!! aku simpan semuanya dalam hati ini........

Independence?

Hmm.....at last!! I've finished my training there...still, it is not enuff 4 them...torturing me....making me mad!! they're completely crazy people.. are gov people always like this? it seems like this is my independence day, but it's not!!damn the devil in the hell!!!

aHhh!!i'm sittin' here all alone and had no idea wut to do..i have to finish my final report n gettin' ready for presentation..hmm...i also have to repair the program so that bitch and bastard will be happy...FUCK!!

i dun wan my evaluation rated at 6 or 7...i want it to be rated 1!!or at least 3 or 4...huh!! guess i have to follow the flow!damn it!!i hate myself!!

What the F***!!!!

For the first time ever in my life, I was away for more than 3 months without ever once coming home...I'm totally blaming on the work that I have to finish before the end of my industrial training...I even haven't touch anything regarding the final report that is suppose to be done before the presentation...This is all because of the stupid lotus notes program that I have to do..I even miss my family gathering on 22nd August ago when my mom made a "kenduri" that day..At first it was my fault for not coming home that day cause of stupid 'merajuk' thing that I did at my mom for not droping by on her way home from my sister's house in KL...But it's all gone when my sister comfort me...And then, it happened!!That stupid manager at my department demanded something more on our program...He told us on 19th and he need it for meeting on the 24th..That bastard had given me a headache!!!

Like it or not, I have to do what he said and I really have to cancel my plan on going home for that kenduri...My bro was very upset and decided to cut my pocket money for next month!!What the Fuck!!That's not my fault!!But he wouldn't listen..All he said that there is no use on finishing the job if you're not getting paid for that....He didn't understand my situation...Now, all I can do is calculating my pocket money with 50 bucks short...Hell!!

Yet, it is not the end...After the meeting with the Engineering Department, I thought my job has done and I send my evaluation form to the manager of my department....Ouch!!That bastard is such a pain in the ASS!!He said that he's not satisfied with our job and asked us to do it again!!Damn you Haji Mohsin!!!He said that he's gonna evaluate us according to this last task..Yet, still not the end...He asked me why I chose MMU??Who the hell is he??My sponsor??NO!!My sugar dad??Oh hell NO!!And he keep on 'condemn'(is it correct??) MMU...He said that MMU developed low quality students cause all they want is MONEY!!Other IPTA such as UUM is a lot better than MMU....Fuck him!!!

Owhh!!!Gosh!!It has been a disaster training at this company....I lost my appetite just because of that stupid job!(but I'm not thin yet!eheh!)...I've become absolutely 'BLUR' each day....Can't wait to get out of there and I'm planing of throwing eggs to his car!!Ahhaha!!But I don't think that I have the guts to do that!!Well, who knows!!